Much like my post about flying while fat the other week, I’m writing an impromptu post this week on the blog, and pushing back the blog post I was planning on publishing until next week. You see, before starting this blogging journey, I made a spreadsheet with all the topics I wanted to blog about week by week, but I wanted to post about this topic while it was fresh in my mind. Funnily enough, this week I want to talk about change.
You see, if you were to ask me if I’m afraid of change I would say no, I’m not afraid of it…
I’m definitely a creature of habit and the type of person who finds comfort in routine and consistency in my day to day. I’m also the type of person who plans 50 steps ahead and, if change is coming or happens unexpectedly, it can really take a toll on my mental health. This isn’t to say that I do the exact same thing every single day or week or month to a tee, however I have my normal routines and habits in my own little bubble of a world, and I’m normally completely content with it being that way.
However, while I was driving to work the other day I started to think of where I was this time last year, and how dramatically different my life is today. And, you know what, even though there has been a TON of change in my life the past year, good and bad, I am happier than I’ve ever been and I am so grateful that change has taken place.
The funny thing is, even though I pride myself on being extremely self-aware when it comes to the decisions I make and even though most of the changes have been pretty significant and obvious, it really took me stepping back and looking at my life from the outside to realize how much really has changed, and how those changes have really turned my life around for the better.
Let me paint you a little picture of where I was this time last year. This time last year I was still in school, really not doing well. My mental health was horrible; I was going through a cycle of depression and my anxiety was at an all-time high. I woke up every day feeling panicked and sick with anxiety, and avoided as many classes as I could as a result of it, which had me close to failing in the majority of my classes, which of course only added to the already monstrous mountain that was my anxiety and depression.
I was broker than broke, working part-time at Tim Hortons which I despised. I was both relieved and petrified school was coming to an end; relieved because I could hopefully get a grip on my anxiety and depression but petrified because my grades were at an all-time low and I was positive I was never going to get a job out of college.
I was also in a relationship this time last year that would soon come to an end. Although he was a really great guy, I didn’t feel right about certain things in the relationship and I spent pretty much every day distraught over bringing it up to him, because I was so scared of hurting his feelings.
I didn’t have a car, I barely had any bills but I was still struggling to pay the ones I did have. I still had my group of besties that I talked to, but hardly any of us had the time and/or the money to actually hangout and do anything. Also, arguably the most tragic part of all this, I only had one dog! I know, crazy. Of course I had my baby Buffy who is my literal heart and soul, but to think that we didn’t have our crazy girl Lola in our lives is so weird to me now.
So yeah, I wasn’t really in the greatest spot this time last year to say the least. It was hard, and I honestly felt like I was digging a hole for myself deeper and deeper that I was never going to get out of. The crazy thing is even when you know you should be making changes to better yourself, that is when it can be the absolute hardest time to actually implement change into your life.
Even though you know you’ve developed unhealthy habits or could be making better choices for yourself, or even if the changes that need to be made are seemingly very simple, the gravity of the thought of actually having to make these changes can be extremely overwhelming. But, as I’ve learned many times, this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t try.
When April 2019 came around, changes had already started happening for me. I had taken the plunge and messaged my boyfriend at the time that I wasn’t feeling right about things…and we broke up. Of course I was sad, but I was also relieved knowing that I no longer had to cry every day to my mom about whether or not I should bring it up to him.
Quick side note, thank you mom for being the real MVP and putting up with ALL of my shit so often.
Anyways, exams were also quickly approaching and I knew I was hanging on by a thread for most of my classes. All the anxiety that this caused me actually fueled me to take the most crucial step that has essentially led to all the positive change in my life over this past year; I applied for a new job.
As nervous as I was, I came across a job posting that I was interested in and seemed qualified for. So, at about 10 PM on a school night I applied, and the very next day I got a call back. The day after my very last exam in accounting, which I ended up failing, I had my interview and, about a week later, I learned I got the job. I was in disbelief, but I was also so incredibly proud and it really shifted my whole mindset to something way more positive than I had experienced in years.
Very quickly changes started hitting me in the face. I had to quit Tim Hortons, a job I had started all the way back when I was 16, and leave co-workers that I genuinely cared for and looked forward to working with (most days). I had to buy my first car, learn how to drive stick, get my first bank loan and pay for my own car insurance. I had to start at the bottom of the totem pole at a job again and try to gain confidence in a corporate setting. It was a lot of change all at once, and it was scarier than ever, but man was it ever worth it.
Now I’m going to paint you a little picture of where I’m at today. I’m in a job at a company that I really love and appreciate. They treat me and everyone else who works for them so incredibly well and it’s refreshing to finally wake up and not have to convince myself to not call in sick because I hate my job so much. I have a car that I still have a love/hate relationship, but it’s mine nonetheless and gets me where I need to go. I have a lot more bills, which can be scary, but it’s also teaching me how to manage my money and be more responsible.
I’m currently single, and have been since my relationship ended last April. This is actually the longest length of time I’ve been single since I was 18 years old and, for the first time since that age, I’m loving being single. I get to focus on myself, my family and my friends, and being “alone” has been extremely beneficial for my mental health and personal growth.
Speaking of friends, I would say my relationships with my best friends are the strongest they’ve been since high school, if not even stronger. I get to see all my friends individually on a semi-regular basis, we talk all the time even if it’s about the most ridiculous of topics, and we try to get our big group together at least every two months or so to catch up and have some fun! I’m extremely blessed to have the friend’s that I do, and “reconnecting” with them over the past few months has really improved my mood.
I’m also going on a trip with two of my besties in May! I can’t even explain how excited I am about it, but it’s also still a change I’m getting used to. As juvenile as it may sound, I’ve never been that far from my family or from home for that amount of time. It’s also my first time ever flying or leaving the country, so I’m a little nervous to say the least!
I’m not rolling in cash by any means (still holding out hope that I’ll win the LottoMax jackpot eventually), but I have enough money to pay all my bills and have a little left over for spending. Most importantly, we got baby Lola back in November and my heart has never been so full! She has added pure joy to our family and I can’t believe we’ve only had her for a couple months when it feels like it’s been a lifetime.
As you can see, there have been plenty of changes that have occurred in my life over the past year. Life happens so quickly that sometimes we don’t even recognize how far we’ve come from a certain spot we were in, but it’s important to take a minute every so often to reflect and be proud about all the changes you’ve conquered and the progress you’ve made. I look back on all the change that has occurred in my life and I am so incredibly appreciative.
Yes, there will be times where change is difficult or seems like life is changing for the worst but, I cannot stress this enough, hang in there. I’ve learned over the years that we are a lot more capable of handling life’s curve balls than we think we are, and by embracing change we are able to learn and grow which, in lots of cases, leads to prosperity in so many different aspects of your life.
Going forward, I’m going to try my best to embrace and encourage change in my life, and I really hope you do the same. Take risks, make progress, and make sure to take little moments to be proud of how far you’ve come. You deserve it.
Thanks for reading!